Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
