omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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