you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
