tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
