Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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