before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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