Your mouth is God's brothel.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
