If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
