I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize