I heard we made out
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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