I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Oh god it's open bar.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
