its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
