i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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