Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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