Have you finally orgasmed yet?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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