what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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