I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
