After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
