Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize