you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
