Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
