He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
