I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
