when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
All the doctor said was why
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
