remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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