I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
