hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
