I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
