I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
