Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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