I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
two words...techno handjob
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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