I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
