Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
