The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
