DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize
