She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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