So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize