how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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