i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ketchup is God's man juice
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
