He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize