3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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