another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize