the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
