Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
