Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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