fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
