I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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