I just saw a hot homeless man
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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