mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
