your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
