The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
