I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
