fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize