you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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