I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
