OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
