I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
