physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
