If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
