I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
