I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
