it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
