Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize