I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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