Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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