I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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