how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
