My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
