i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
