I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
