On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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