I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize