My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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