have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
