If i come over, it means nothing
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
