This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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