my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
