it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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