Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize