it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
