Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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