That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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