Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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