it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
