I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
