Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
vagina is talking i cant
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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