Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
