also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
