Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
