real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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