you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize