Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
