I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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