I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
