I wanna passion pit in your ass
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
