At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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