you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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