He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
