She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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