I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
home. puking in laundry basket.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
