Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
