I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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