somebody snuck up and got me drunk
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
